The real question here is "To Love, Or Not To Love?" Doug and I have had a difficult time agreeing, not only what to name our new little girl, but if we should give her a name yet. I think it comes down to wanting with all of our heart to love her, but being afraid we might loose her. We don't want to get "too attached". As with any pregnancy, adoption, also, has it's risks. And there is no guarantee, in either case, you will bring that child into your home until the child is in your arms.
So, as with my other pregnancies, I love Della, just as if she was in my belly. My heart aches to have her "out" right now, here in our arms. I want to squeeze her and hear her voice, even if she's crying or whining. And, ironically, just like my pregnancies, I've been told to expect her in about 10 months.
I sent Della a care package with our friends who have gone to pick up their 2 new little boys. I tried to squeeze so many clothes and toys and, of course, a toothbrush (after all, she is my child) into that bag. As I was filling every little space with tiny socks, it was like I was trying to send every little bit of my love to her, but it just wouldn't fit. My love for her became real after packing her bag. I thought "hopefully, I can give her the next bag I pack for her myself".
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